Everyone knows that drinking and driving isn’t safe, and that there are laws in place to prevent the operation of vehicles while under the influence of alcohol. For example, in the United States there is a national law that a blood alcohol content over 0.080 is considered ‘drunk driving.’ However, what you may not know is how widely those laws can apply — and how dumb people can end up with hilarious DUI arrests. Without further ado, I present the 10 funniest DUI cases — and STS’s new game “Did You Know You Can Get a DUI On A…?”
1. Riding Lawnmower
On the list of “Dumb Ways You Can Get a DUI” the riding lawnmower is a very popular choice. And, for reasons we can’t fathom, especially popular in Tennessee. Go figure. This April, in Blountville Tennessee, Martin Junior McMurray took police on a low-speed pursuit for a half mile on his lawnmower, swerving between lanes and ignoring their police sirens. He failed a field sobriety test, blew a 0.15, and had an unopened can of beer in his pocket. A hero.
Now, this seems almost too impossible to believe, but it appears the very same week Athens, Tennessee police arrested Jimmy Graham Junior (why are they all ‘juniors?’) for intoxication on his riding lawnmower. He was also charged with stealing fishing poles out of his neighbors garage. Video of his sobriety test below:
2. Motorized Wheelchair
Everyone knows the Aussies like to drink, but hows this for a story. In 2008 a man was found asleep in his motorized wheelchair on a highway in Northern Australia, very very drunk. Like blowing a 0.301 kind of drunk. It was also 10 A.M, and he was 64 years old. He claimed he was driving the “nine mile trip” to his friends house.3. Zamboni
Maine is big into hockey, so it makes sense that they would have ice rinks everywhere. Which means it makes perfect sense when a man from Portland, Maine was arrested right around Christmas time in 2008 for “trying to drive an ice smoothing machine inside a Portland, Maine civic center.” Adam Patterson, a 22 year old, had crashed the Zamboni “into a wall near a storage area.” He was pretty drunk, and my favorite part of the story — “Authorities say he had also tried to operate two forklifts.” Champion. 4. Motorized Barstool
6′1″, 230-pound Kile Wygle, a 26 year old from Ohio, welded a barstool to a 5 horsepower lawnmower engine and built himself every drunkards perfect form of transport. Well, until he crashed it at around 20 mph and had to be taken to the hopsital for minor injuries. This happened in March of 2009, and he entered a plea of not guilty for his DUI charges. That doesn’t make a lot of sense, because when the police asked him how much he had had to drink, he responded “a lot.” Later clarified to “around 15 beers.” He also said that his motorized barstool can hit a top speed of 38 mph, which is pretty speedy, so he must be smart. 5. 3-Wheeled ATV
This one hails from Kentucky. Just curious, anyone noticing a bit of a trend developing here? Anyway, 18 year old Justin Dale Peters drank “about three beers” and took a 3-wheeled ATV for a drive. He attempted to evade the police, before stopping in a driveway with his hands held in the air. He blew a 0.09 on the breathalyzer, which is disappointingly low. .
6. Motorized Lay-Z-Boy
In August 2008 a 62 year old Minnesota man drank “eight or nine beers” and drove his motorized Lay-Z-Boy reclining chair into a parked car. Well, more specifically he left a bar while driving his chair (did he drive it to the bar as well?), and then hit the parked car. The chair was powered by a lawnmower engine (another trend we got going) and was outfitted with a stereo, cupholders, and a magazine rack. He pleaded guilty to drunk driving. But, the story doesn’t end there — the chair has been auctioned off to support the Proctor Police Department. For $3,700. Now that’s just ridiculous. 7. Horse
A Colorado man received a class-B traffic violation in 2009 for drunkenly riding his horse, named Cricket, to a strip mall in Arvada. He said he was out for a “joyride” and was given a $25 ticket. Apparently, this wasn’t the first time he has done this. Even funnier, an Alabaman woman took her horse for a midnight jaunt through town in 2009, and was arrested for being intoxicated and carrying drug paraphernalia. Like, crystal meth and “pills”. 40 year old Melissa Byrum York apparently used the horse to “ram a police car.” I’m really not sure how that works. 8. Barbie Power Wheels
Our second entry from overseas, and also from a part of the former British Empire. This is Paul Hutton, 40, from Essex. And he drove a home-built electric vehicle designed for 3-5 year olds, with a top speed of 4 mph, at twice the legal limit. He was initially given a 3-year driving ban, because he had received another drunk-driving offense in the last 10 years. Because the vehicle is “easy capable of being outrun by a pedestrian” his sentence has been reduced. The best part? Its a pink Barbie car. The police confiscated the vehicle, but Mr. Hutton hopes to get it back. I mean, who wouldn’t? 9. Tricycle
A 58 year old from Oregon was arrested in August 2008 for riding an “adult-sized tricycle” while he was hammered. Do they even make those? Like, is that even a thing? Adult-sized? Anyway, he was booked for drunk driving on a public road. At 2 PM. He rode through a stop sign and down the wrong side of the road, where he was pulled over and failed a field sobriety test. 10. Cruizin’ Cooler
Ah, its time. For the single greatest man-invention ever. The Cruizin Cooler, a motorized cooler scooter that can cruise at about 15 mph. You sit on it, ride down to buy yourself a 6 (or 30) pack, and the beer stays chilled on your ride home. Advertised as the “fastest cooler on the planet” it can even come with a trailer (or many trailers). Genius! Well, it came out in 2006 and took almost 2 years for someone to get a DUI on one. 57 year old Leslie J. “Bomber” Marr, from Whitehall NY is the one. He faces felony DUI charges (Felony!) and charges for aggravated unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle. The cooler contained 14 beers, and Mr. “Bomber” Marr was swerving and riding on the sidewalk. According to police he’s been “riding around town on that cooler for years.” And that is awesome!
No comments:
Post a Comment